30 Mar 2007 @ 10:28 AM 

I’ve been working at Nokia for the past few weeks for my 2nd practical and so far it’s been challenging. And when I use the word challenging, I mean challenging as in how Osama could brainwash guys to fly a plane into 2 buildings to their deaths, made himself the enemy of the world overnight, run and hide, and put the blame on Saddam Hussein. But I think mostly because Bush couldn’t spell Afghanistan.

Anyhoo, more about my challenging job…

This is my typical day.

Alarm rings at 7:55 a.m. Why? I don’t know. It seems like it’s 7 but it’s close to 8. Psychological reason. So I still manage to hit the snooze button a couple of times before dragging my lazy ass out of bed.

After the usual male morning ritual of brushing teeth, shaving (if needed) and putting on anything clean, I head off to my 15 minute walk to the office. My journey would be a nice walk through a field, cross a road and straight on till the Nokia building. It could be a nice stroll in the snow, windy 200 km/h winds or stepping on a fresh pile of dog poo; depending on my luck.

By the time I reach the doors of the building, it should be 9-ish. I can come and go anytime I fancy, as long as I finish up my 8 hours per day or when my job is done. Gotta love those flexi-hours. Then the usual Malaysian habit of clocking in and loitering in the cafeteria kicks in. I should then be at my desk at about 9.30 or 10 depending on the company at the table or the thickness of the coffee.

The good thing about my desk is it’s literally inches away from my manager. So work it is (or acting busy). No wasting precious company time and bandwidth laughing my ass off at Myspace profiles or surfing for porn.

Then comes lunch. The time I look forward most. Usually about 12-ish or when I feel hungry. The food on offer is nothing to shout about but good enough for the price. Great selection though, no complaints there. Then it’s back to work till I feel like stopping or when sleepiness kicks in.

Oh yeah, about my work. Well, I don’t know how much I’m suppose to keep under wraps but I guess my job is insignificant (and so is this website) enough to actually not get my ass sued if I reveal too much here. (Warning: Non-technical persons and females stop reading now!) I work with this Mechanical Simulation Specialist guy (I’ll name him GG for the sake of his privacy and my sake of not having to type his name) and use mainly Finite Element Methods and Analysis to simulate tests on mobile phones which are still under development. He’s a great guy (Woot, GG!) and helped me a great deal. I guess I could call him my mentor. Besides that, simulations on the parts, parts under consideration, supplier parts etc are done as well.

My specific job so far is pre-processing of a whole mobile phone for drop test simulations, pre-processing, solving, error analysis and post processing of phone mechanisms under different loads and some odd jobs like digging my nose. (Well, someone’s gotta do it).

Overall, the work atmosphere is sorta relaxing with a pretty flat hierarchy, no cubicles, open spaces, flexible working hours and ample parking space. But the workload I see being piled on most people here are simply inhumane. It’s true Nokia is connecting people, but I think they are disconnecting families.

I guess no job is perfect. But I wouldn’t say my job sucks per se. I get to experience and learn a lot what I wouldn’t get from just studying. I get paid handsomely, play around with gadgets, free flow of caffeine and a good view from my desk. But most importantly, I get to meet and to know lots of successful people from around the world and widen my network of contacts. What more could I ask for? (besides that LCD TV and Playstation 3 I talked about.)

P.S. If your Nokia phone breaks because it fell on the floor, do not blame me. This is because 1, your phone might have nothing to do with me since I just started there a couple of months ago, 2, it’s bad luck and 3, serves you right. Go get another one so that Nokia has more money to pay me.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:29 AM

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Categories: Life
 21 Mar 2007 @ 10:26 AM 
A day together,
Joy and woe, inside of me,
“Goodbye, safe journey.”

I just came back from work, and had a good shit. Thought I’d share.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:28 AM

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Categories: Miscellaneous Stuff
 20 Mar 2007 @ 10:22 AM 

I realised that only a grand total of like 2 (including me) ever reads or visits this site. The other might still be me accessing this at my workplace but allow me to be hopeful.

Therefore I will now try to increase that to at least 4 by the time I finish this article (a whopping 100% increase! Woohoo!)

It occurred to me that to attract regular readers, one have to be diligent in updating the site with new content every minute or so. As that is humanly impossible since I have a life (besides refreshing my site every minute hoping that the visitor counter goes up to 3), I have decided to start a new internet phenomenon or what you web folks call a “meme”.

Joining the ranks of the almighty Star Wars Kid or the Numa Numa Guy is no small feat considering I’m not fat. (No matter how politically correct you wanna be, fat guys are still funny.) Instead I’ll put my brains to starting something so innovative that you’ll punch yourself in the nuts (or wherever it hurts you if you’re female) for not thinking of it first.

Introducing the EMEM

or reverse meme

There's a funny story behind this picture*

There's a funny story behind this picture*

So it goes something like those rubbish that people write about answering various personal questions about your favourite band or when was your last period and what not, but instead of answering those rubbish questions and trying to be funny, with this you actually write the question to the supplied answers and try to be funny. Of course you can supply a new set of answers to the next person you tag (or “gat”, get it?). It’s like a “meme” for dyslexics or that game-show-nobody-gets, Jeopardy.

So here it goes (remember that the matching questions are after the answers, but you can read it however you like, I don’t give a damn).

*highlight the area below the answer to see the question.

A: Kelvin.

Q: What chicks/dudes shout out loud when you fuck their brains out?

A: Blue.

Q: What is the colour of the miracle drug, Viagra?

A: When the shit starts hitting the fan, make sure you’re not in the room.

Q: Have you ever been trapped in a room full of monkeys?

A: 60 kgs.

Q: How much weed did you smoke last month?

A: 8.

Q: How long is your penis? (in inches)

A: 1.

Q: How long is it really?

A: Rocky Road ice cream.

Q: What was the texture of your shit the last time you took a dump?

A: Guy love.

Q: What do you think this world we live in could use more of?

A: Malaysian politicians.

Q: What do you think this world we live in could use less of?

A: Coconuts.

Q: What size would you like your nuts to become?

A: A nose job, boobs and the ability to camwhore.

Q: What do you think you need to make this site popular?

A: Sense of humour, intelligence and a full head of hair.

Q: What qualities can’t you find in Samy Vellu?

People I wanna gat:


If you think you’re worthy for this challenge, feel free to put this on your site or your village’s notice board but with your own questions. Make up new answers if you want to. Make sure it’s funny. Link my site at your site (or mention it on your village’s next meeting) and through some Internet voodoo I’ll know if I reach my target of 100% increase in readership.

*Funny story about the picture. I goofed around about an hour with Photoshop trying to make a mirror image of the text “meme” only to think to myself, why not write it in a big ass font and take a photograph while standing in front of a mirror?

So I found a piece of paper lying around (my room is that messy) and scribbled the words on it. “Why not write the words “in reverse” in reverse so that it’ll show correctly in the mirror”, I asked myself out loud (it’s OK, I’m staying alone). (I think you guys see the irony now).

By writing the letters “meme” in reverse at first rather than the words “in reverse” in reverse would have saved me a trip to the toilet to take a photo of myself holding a piece of paper in front of the mirror, spared me the agony of trying to figure out how to write the letter “s” in reverse and also avoided the discovery of the fact that I hold a piece of paper like a school girl.

True story, you can’t make this shit up.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:26 AM

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Categories: Jokes
 02 Mar 2007 @ 10:18 AM 

Middle finger babyTo all Malaysians, I have a Chinese New Year wake up call for you, “Stop being/acting like babies!”

Since returning from Germany the past 2 weeks, I’ve seen this prevailing trend among Malaysians. Please bloody fucking grow up. Pardon me French.

Before a big question mark appear above your head, let me tell you why…

I came back from Penang reading this Malaysiakini article regarding so-called small and medium stock market speculators blaming Pak Lah for painting a rosy picture of the stock market and caused them to suffer heavy losses after the recent slump.

said article can be found here http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/63973 (you need a subscription to read the full text. Get one you cheapskate.)

Why would you even listen to him at the first place? And if you are so easily swayed by the mere rubbish coming out of our Malaysian politicians, I think it’s about time you stop investing and put your money to better use like supporting “Satu lagi Projek Kerajaan Barisan Nasional” projects. At least someone benefits.

Staying on the topic, the recent talk about banning fast food adverts proves my point of Malaysians relying on the Government like tit sucking babies.

Do you need the Government to dictate your decisions? If you know that fast food is unhealthy, stop eating it! Doesn’t take a genius to know that soft drinks are filled with sugar and processed meat are unhealthy. Educate your kids to stop eating fast food. Give them an apple or something. I’m all for stopping Mcdonald’s poisoning the youth on Hello Kitty toys but Malaysian hawker food isn’t going to help reduce those love handles as well.

My advice is to take everything in moderation. I drink, but I drink in moderation. I play video games, but I know when to stop. I eat char kuey teow, but I know when I might start pissing oil.

The more we show our reliance on the Government the more they will think that we need them rather than they need us. We must put them in their place by showing that we are the ones that voted them in. They serve the rakyat and not the other way around. Save the trivial matters to ourselves. This will only give them the excuse of saying we Malaysians are not matured enough and allow them to divert our attention from more important topics like battling corruption and education.

Being back home recently, I realised Malaysia is a great place, but it’s really time for Malaysians to change. It might be a tough hill to climb as there are still lots of uneducated Malaysians in the villages who are easily swayed by RM30 come the elections. But for those who could afford an education and have at least the conscience to vote with your mind, please do the right thing. I’m not telling you to vote the opposition but rather open your eyes and ears and look at the real picture. Don’t be afraid to ask questions during their campaigns and please grow up. You might just give your children a better place to grow up.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:21 AM

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Categories: Politics

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