20 Mar 2007 @ 10:22 AM 

I realised that only a grand total of like 2 (including me) ever reads or visits this site. The other might still be me accessing this at my workplace but allow me to be hopeful.

Therefore I will now try to increase that to at least 4 by the time I finish this article (a whopping 100% increase! Woohoo!)

It occurred to me that to attract regular readers, one have to be diligent in updating the site with new content every minute or so. As that is humanly impossible since I have a life (besides refreshing my site every minute hoping that the visitor counter goes up to 3), I have decided to start a new internet phenomenon or what you web folks call a “meme”.

Joining the ranks of the almighty Star Wars Kid or the Numa Numa Guy is no small feat considering I’m not fat. (No matter how politically correct you wanna be, fat guys are still funny.) Instead I’ll put my brains to starting something so innovative that you’ll punch yourself in the nuts (or wherever it hurts you if you’re female) for not thinking of it first.

Introducing the EMEM

or reverse meme

There's a funny story behind this picture*

There's a funny story behind this picture*

So it goes something like those rubbish that people write about answering various personal questions about your favourite band or when was your last period and what not, but instead of answering those rubbish questions and trying to be funny, with this you actually write the question to the supplied answers and try to be funny. Of course you can supply a new set of answers to the next person you tag (or “gat”, get it?). It’s like a “meme” for dyslexics or that game-show-nobody-gets, Jeopardy.

So here it goes (remember that the matching questions are after the answers, but you can read it however you like, I don’t give a damn).

*highlight the area below the answer to see the question.

A: Kelvin.

Q: What chicks/dudes shout out loud when you fuck their brains out?

A: Blue.

Q: What is the colour of the miracle drug, Viagra?

A: When the shit starts hitting the fan, make sure you’re not in the room.

Q: Have you ever been trapped in a room full of monkeys?

A: 60 kgs.

Q: How much weed did you smoke last month?

A: 8.

Q: How long is your penis? (in inches)

A: 1.

Q: How long is it really?

A: Rocky Road ice cream.

Q: What was the texture of your shit the last time you took a dump?

A: Guy love.

Q: What do you think this world we live in could use more of?

A: Malaysian politicians.

Q: What do you think this world we live in could use less of?

A: Coconuts.

Q: What size would you like your nuts to become?

A: A nose job, boobs and the ability to camwhore.

Q: What do you think you need to make this site popular?

A: Sense of humour, intelligence and a full head of hair.

Q: What qualities can’t you find in Samy Vellu?

People I wanna gat:


If you think you’re worthy for this challenge, feel free to put this on your site or your village’s notice board but with your own questions. Make up new answers if you want to. Make sure it’s funny. Link my site at your site (or mention it on your village’s next meeting) and through some Internet voodoo I’ll know if I reach my target of 100% increase in readership.

*Funny story about the picture. I goofed around about an hour with Photoshop trying to make a mirror image of the text “meme” only to think to myself, why not write it in a big ass font and take a photograph while standing in front of a mirror?

So I found a piece of paper lying around (my room is that messy) and scribbled the words on it. “Why not write the words “in reverse” in reverse so that it’ll show correctly in the mirror”, I asked myself out loud (it’s OK, I’m staying alone). (I think you guys see the irony now).

By writing the letters “meme” in reverse at first rather than the words “in reverse” in reverse would have saved me a trip to the toilet to take a photo of myself holding a piece of paper in front of the mirror, spared me the agony of trying to figure out how to write the letter “s” in reverse and also avoided the discovery of the fact that I hold a piece of paper like a school girl.

True story, you can’t make this shit up.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:26 AM

Categories: Jokes


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