26 Apr 2007 @ 10:32 AM 

Spinning the GasingAaaaahhhh… politics, it’s like a beggar’s bowl, dirty and yet everyone has their 2 cents to put in it. I came across this article shown to me by my bro about “Malaysian government sets up Internet spin team” and thought it’s another one of those “Satu lagi Projek Kerajaan Barisan Nasional” kind of wacky idea thought up by some small time minister trying to get on the news to put us on the map but end up being an international laughing stock instead…thing, of setting up an Internet Gasing tournament or something. (Whew, that’s a long sentence. Punctuation, Kelvin, Punctuation.) But instead…

It’s setting up a committee of people/ministers/someone who has a Dr./Dato’ in front of his name who will be the public relations department for the government, but focusing on the Internet. They will be looking out for any insidious, politically incorrect, peace threatening, slanderous lies on the Internet that will mislead the public on government policies. In short, a crack team of spin doctors surfing blogs and issuing press releases to cover the politicians’/government’s asses.

Kudos to our efficient Information Ministry which “will be in and out with a press release in seconds to tackle the ‘abuse’ of the Internet and online technology.” Now let’s see how they do it with the congested Streamyx pipes. Maybe after they realised how screwed up Streamyx can be, we might all have faster access (wishful thinking, I know).

But come to think of it, as seen by the past replies, debates and name-calling of our respectable politicians, the committee will have a lot on their plates.

After this piece of news broke out, I received an anonymous information which is classified under the OSA (more known as “Our Special Agreement”). I am risking my ass to publish it here.

This is an excerpt from the guidelines of how to counter the lies on the Internet issued by the Information Ministry to be used by the spin team (translated from the Malay language for the benefit of those who can’t read Malay).

After identifying any untruths, half-truths and nothing but untruth, the following replies/course of actions should be used:

1. Reply “Semuanya OK”.

2. Compare Malaysia to another 3rd World country and remind the people we are better off than said country. Compare with developed country instead if it has anything to do with prices of goods.

3. If it’s some disaster/accident, just reply “It is an act of God.”

4. If the question has too many figures/terms/or you haven’t the faintest idea but think it will potentially make the government/politician look bad (only BN politicians excluding those from MIC, they’ve got that Samy guy to spin for them), reply with “Bodoh”, “You tak suka, you keluar Malaysia”, “Racist” or any combination of the above. Repeat for at least 30 times in press release to put the message across.

5. If it has something to do about women, make a sexist joke and laugh about it.

6. If it has something to do about corruption, state that no report has been made/straight out deny it. ACA will “handle” it.

7. Stick to the rule “If it’s a Malay problem, it’s a national problem; if it’s a Chinese problem, it’s a racial problem; if it’s an Indian problem, it’s not a problem.”

8. If there is a pressing issue raised that needs to be solved, just reply that the relevant ministry (or make up a new ministry) has looked into it without stating a time frame. Use words like “soon”, “in the future” or “whenever the time is right”.

9. If any of the above is not deemed suitable, just ignore it; the people will forget about it because something else will surely come out soon.

Disclaimer: This is a political satire based on an article by The Inquirer. If you take it seriously, please go look for a sense of humour.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:37 AM

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Categories: Politics
 12 Apr 2007 @ 10:31 AM 

Just a short article about my life up until now. Maybe just to serve as a status report to remind me of what I’m going through these few months because I feel I’m at a pretty important stage of my life.

I hope this will help me reflect my feelings, thoughts and aspirations and also help me put things into perspective. Also to put some of my plans in writing, and some crap to help me laugh at myself after I read this crap again in a year’s time.

I’m 24 years of age and almost a third of my sane life has passed. It’s a time where people start to make decisions that will alter their life, pave the road they tread and walk through the doors that are opened for them. It’s the prime age where males and females start to think of making money, reproducing and experiencing life (not necessarily in that order).

So far, I’m in my 4th year of my studies in my 7th semester on my pursuit of graduating with not only some engineering stuff in my head, but a qualification to prove that I actually have said stuff in my head. This semester is however a practical semester where I have to work as cheap labour in some company (Nokia if you don’t already know where I’m working, refer to past entries) in the hope that I gain some experience.

It’s been a pretty eye-opening, jaw-dropping and mind-boggling (and other body part actions) experience. So I’m pretty much stuck at this company for the time being and most likely in the near future. Well, I’m quite sure I’ll be working there part-time after this semester since it pays good money, doing my thesis (Diplomarbeit) there since my manager asked me to stay before I get offers from someplace else. That’ll be until I graduate. Where it goes from there, I’ll decide when the time comes.

I’ve been meeting a few people and experiencing some workplace politics and working life these few weeks as well. I met some managers from a couple of Asian companies and managed to get to know them quite well. It seems Malaysians with European experience are pretty sought after. Sure glad that I didn’t doze off in English class, able to speak Mandarin, Cantonese, Hokkien, Malay, and German. I’m actually giving some thought in working nearer to home in my early career if working in Germany/Europe didn’t work out. However, I don’t see myself working for someone all my life though.

I’m not one to speak much about relationships but it’s been pretty smooth sailing. It’s nice to have a few close friends rather than a lot of acquaintances. I’m not a person who is good in maintaining contacts such as sending messages out of the blue, remembering birthdays and stuff, but when we spend time together, I try to make it count.

On the romantic side of things, I can only say that I wuv my Larling, and I mish her so very much every time we are apart. I’m so grateful that I have someone to share my dreams, hopes and aspirations, someone to lift me up when I’m sad and someone to trust in.

On the spiritual side of things, I’m still a freethinker who thinks that God exists and religion is crap.

On the topic of money, I’m currently financially stable, able to survive comfortably with what I have and afford some luxuries as well. I’ve been tutoring English as well which help pay off some of my life’s little luxuries such as underwear.

And to end this article, I would just like to say that I’m saving up for my Christmas/Birthday Present which is a Playstation 3 and a huge ass HDTV. So, anyone care to contribute to this fund? I shall with a thick face hope that you will visit this site’s sponsors by looking to the left of your screen.

Be safe and don’t eat yellow snow.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:32 AM

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Categories: Life
 03 Apr 2007 @ 10:29 AM 

I’m going to share a secret of mine, a secret so controversial or unbelievable that some of you might just think I’m a bloody genius or a bloody selfish guy to not share this with you guys earlier.

However, some of you might think of me differently, some might probe me to ask for more info, but most of you sceptics will just ignore me and say this guy’s lying.

Before you beat me into a bloody pulp, read on…

I made this EUR 5000 and counting, through online casinos. (I can see that most of you just rolled your eyes and said ‘Cehhhh’) But hear me out.

I didn’t gamble and strike lucky per se. (There might be a few lucky bets), but what I do is actually mathematically/statistically proven to earn me money. So here’s the skinny on how I did it over the 2 years in as condensed as I think is possible.

Firstly, I would like to welcome you to the amazing, (but mostly scoffed upon and avoided like the plague) world of online casinos. They are just like the ones in Las Vegas and Genting (but without the glitzy show girls and the tables crowded with old amahs) except you gamble in the comfort of your home.

Now how do I actually make money since casinos are there for a business, that is to suck your money and not as a charity? 1 word, “bonuses”. Unlike brick and mortar casinos, online casinos have to attract punters by offering “free money” (note the inverted commas, I’ll tell you why later), like those drug dealers who offer you a free fix only to get you hooked.

These “free money” have strings attached to them of course and I made my 5 grand by utilising my amazing math (NERD!) skills and my superhuman ability to sit on my ass for hours straight.

Here’s how I did it:

I started off in 2005 bored to death and having lots of time on my hands to kill. I then somehow stumbled upon this website (can’t remember how I stumbled, might have stepped on a banana.) called WizardOfOdds. The owner of this website was a mathematician living in Las Vegas and naturally he likes to gamble. He made analysis after analysis of casino games and came out with strategies and mathematical explanations on the games itself. He defined the term “house edge” and showed numbers, percentages and results on how the casino makes money. (Yawn!)

I was always fascinated by the game of Blackjack since I was a little boy (due to my upbringing in a Chinese family and the painful memories of losing my ang pow money ever year). I noticed from his writings that depending on the rules, there is a house edge of 0.2% to 2% on the game of Blackjack on offer. This translates in laymen terms that for every $1 you bet, you expect to lose (statistically speaking) $0.002 to $0.02 to the casino. That’s where the casino have the money to pay the dealers and the beautiful strippers.

I then dug deeper and found out of online casinos giving “free money” to entice gullible punters. I did not give in to these as I read the fine print. To withdraw the “free money”, most casinos require to make a certain amount of bets (termed wagering requirements) while restricting the games you can play etc. I then dug even deeper (luckily it wasn’t my nose) and found Casinomeister, a community headed by an intriguing fella who dogwatches the online casino scene. I found out which casinos are trustworthy and which are rogue. Then I found out more about these “free money” and is it a myth or is it true.

I then narrowed down the casinos according to these criteria:

1. Trustworthiness (meaning if winners win, they pay)
2. “Free money” on offer.
3. Allows the game of Blackjack to withdraw the free money.
4. Low wagering requirements.

Now you may ask, but what does all these mean? Well, let me explain. Once I find a suitable casino, I start to make money. But how you ask, patience my friend.

Most casinos require that you deposit a certain amount say $100 and they match you $100 in bonus money. You now have $200 showing in your balance but you can’t pull out now earning $100 just like that! (The casino owners are not that dumb no matter how hard you wish they are). They require that you wager a certain amount of your bonus (mostly written as a multiply of it say 30X or as an amount $3000) before you can withdraw anything.

Now you might have your jaw on the floor looking at that amount but pick up your jaw and read on. The wagering requirement (WR) means e.g. you wager $10 on Blackjack and lose, your balance now shows $190 and your WR is reduced to $2990. You then wager $10 on the next hand and win. Your balance is now $200 and your WR is now $2980. Understand? For financially inclined people it’s something like turnover and for those who still can’t understand, go read a book or something as it will only get worse later on.

So, how is it statistically possible that I make money? If you didn’t fall asleep during math class, you might already realise that the statistical house edge in Blackjack is 0.2% to 2% right? Meaning with a turnover of $3000, 0.2% is $6 and 2% is $60. Meaning statistically you are expected to lose $6 or $60 leaving you with a nett earning of $94 or $40 every session (the rules used in online casinos usually have a house edge of 0.5%). I rinse, then repeat.

So that’s basically how I made some sweet pocket money while brushing up on my math . A word of warning though, when I started with this adventure, bonuses at casinos were much more generous, rules were more advantageous and opportunities were more abundant. Casinos realised that the market is saturated, people are getting smarter and they have turned to other forms of promotion. I’ve slowed down recently and even considered quitting. There is but only a handful of online casinos worth playing now and if you plan to start now, I doubt that you will match my results in the same amount of time I did.

If by reading this and you think any different of me (because you think I’m gambling), feel free to do so, I don’t give a damn. It’s either you’re jealous or you’re jealous. I’m not doing anything illegal, neither am I playing with money I can’t afford to lose (and I have EUR4500 safely in my bank account already). But if you think that you want to give it a try, I wouldn’t condone it and I do not want to be held responsible for anything that happens (because losses do happen in the short term, it is only in the long term that you can see the results).

If you think you really wanna try, like really really wanna try, contact me or leave a comment, I can show you some casinos which I have had good results to reduce your need for research.

Disclaimer: I have to put this here so that I don’t get my ass flamed or sued. The earnings stated here are from my own experience only. Your earnings might vary. I do not condone gambling if it leads to addiction. If you have a gambling problem, please seek help. Most casinos restrict people staying in certain countries such as Malaysia and China from registering. Please read the terms and conditions to avoid any complications later on.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:31 AM

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