26 Apr 2007 @ 10:32 AM 

Spinning the GasingAaaaahhhh… politics, it’s like a beggar’s bowl, dirty and yet everyone has their 2 cents to put in it. I came across this article shown to me by my bro about “Malaysian government sets up Internet spin team” and thought it’s another one of those “Satu lagi Projek Kerajaan Barisan Nasional” kind of wacky idea thought up by some small time minister trying to get on the news to put us on the map but end up being an international laughing stock instead…thing, of setting up an Internet Gasing tournament or something. (Whew, that’s a long sentence. Punctuation, Kelvin, Punctuation.) But instead…

It’s setting up a committee of people/ministers/someone who has a Dr./Dato’ in front of his name who will be the public relations department for the government, but focusing on the Internet. They will be looking out for any insidious, politically incorrect, peace threatening, slanderous lies on the Internet that will mislead the public on government policies. In short, a crack team of spin doctors surfing blogs and issuing press releases to cover the politicians’/government’s asses.

Kudos to our efficient Information Ministry which “will be in and out with a press release in seconds to tackle the ‘abuse’ of the Internet and online technology.” Now let’s see how they do it with the congested Streamyx pipes. Maybe after they realised how screwed up Streamyx can be, we might all have faster access (wishful thinking, I know).

But come to think of it, as seen by the past replies, debates and name-calling of our respectable politicians, the committee will have a lot on their plates.

After this piece of news broke out, I received an anonymous information which is classified under the OSA (more known as “Our Special Agreement”). I am risking my ass to publish it here.

This is an excerpt from the guidelines of how to counter the lies on the Internet issued by the Information Ministry to be used by the spin team (translated from the Malay language for the benefit of those who can’t read Malay).

After identifying any untruths, half-truths and nothing but untruth, the following replies/course of actions should be used:

1. Reply “Semuanya OK”.

2. Compare Malaysia to another 3rd World country and remind the people we are better off than said country. Compare with developed country instead if it has anything to do with prices of goods.

3. If it’s some disaster/accident, just reply “It is an act of God.”

4. If the question has too many figures/terms/or you haven’t the faintest idea but think it will potentially make the government/politician look bad (only BN politicians excluding those from MIC, they’ve got that Samy guy to spin for them), reply with “Bodoh”, “You tak suka, you keluar Malaysia”, “Racist” or any combination of the above. Repeat for at least 30 times in press release to put the message across.

5. If it has something to do about women, make a sexist joke and laugh about it.

6. If it has something to do about corruption, state that no report has been made/straight out deny it. ACA will “handle” it.

7. Stick to the rule “If it’s a Malay problem, it’s a national problem; if it’s a Chinese problem, it’s a racial problem; if it’s an Indian problem, it’s not a problem.”

8. If there is a pressing issue raised that needs to be solved, just reply that the relevant ministry (or make up a new ministry) has looked into it without stating a time frame. Use words like “soon”, “in the future” or “whenever the time is right”.

9. If any of the above is not deemed suitable, just ignore it; the people will forget about it because something else will surely come out soon.

Disclaimer: This is a political satire based on an article by The Inquirer. If you take it seriously, please go look for a sense of humour.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 04 Jan 2009 @ 10:37 AM

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