06 Jan 2009 @ 6:19 PM 

Welcome to the first installment of the News Roundup.   This is where I report the happenings in Malaysia and around the world while having my tongue firmly in cheek.

We want our highways back

Unclassified highway contracts

Unclassified highway contracts

Malaysiakini reports that DAP members is of the opinion that the government should, “buy over highways and save taxpayers’ money”, after reading through the recently declassified agreements of the highway concessionaires.

Segambut MP, Lim Lip Eng said, that the agreements only favour the highway concessionaires.  He cited that even if there is a breach of contract in favour of the government, the highway concessionaires will receive compensation from the government.

Hearing this, the highway concessionaires said, “Oh really?  OK, you can have them back, now where’s our money?”

Kuala Terengganu by-election

Azharudin Mamat (Malaysiakini.com pix)

Azharudin Mamat (Malaysiakini.com pix)

The Kuala Terengganu parliament seat recently left vacant will see a 3 way fight between the BN, PAS and an independent candidate, Azharudin Mamat @ Adam.  While his chances of winning the election are slim, he is confident that can win because he wants to “help the poor” and will use his MP allowance to “help those people regardless of race or party”.

Yes, Adam (can I call you Adam?).  The people are shallow enough to vote for you so that instead of bringing issues to parliament, you will just return their money.

Samy Vellu is at it again

Samy Vellu

Samy Vellu (Malaysiakini.com pix)

MIC leader, Samy Vellu is in the middle of another scandal which has hit his party recently.  This time it involves the awarding of contracts for maintenance by its party-run AIMST University.  The allegations are targeted at the party’s education arm, Maju Institute for Education Development (MIED).

Sources point out that Samy Vellu has revoked several contracts and reassigned them to people that are close to him.

When asked to comment on these allegations, Samy Vellu has this to say: “It is unfortunate that this happened and I stress that it is an act of God.  Only this time I am God.”

“No Tsunami,” say scientists

Mingguan Malaysia reported that a baby whale shark caught dead in a fishing net is not the sign of an impending tsunami.  Universiti Sains Malaysia’s marine biologist Dr Aileen Tan Shau-Hwai told the daily the whale shark, found dead in the waters of Kendi Island, could have rammed into a big boat while migrating to a new destination.

She added that she came to this conclusion using the scientific method called… Guessing.

Invest wisely

In these tough economic times, Choong Khuat Hock, director of fund management company Kumpulan Sentiasa Cemerlang, urges the people to diversify their investments.  The report recommended other forms of investments such as gold, antiques and even tea.

Thank you for letting us know of even more ways to lose our money.

Mind games

Mind Flex toy from Mattel

Mind Flex toy from Mattel

The Telegraph reports that toy-maker, Mattel will be releasing the Mind-Flex, a toy where children could use their mind power to move balls through hoops.

Good news for white kids around the world who can now play basketball, while sitting on the bench.  Wait, they’re already doing that?

That’s all for the first edition of News Roundup!  Have a great week!

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 13 Jan 2009 @ 12:59 AM

Categories: Jokes, Politics


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