21 May 2009 @ 3:57 PM 

From the makers of the award-winning Facebook quiz*, comes a brand new one that will blow your mind.  With all new features, such as

  • superb accuracy,
  • guaranteed results,

while keeping all the traditional features of a trusted Facebook quiz intact, such as

  • illogical randomness,
  • useless results,
  • choices which don’t make sense,
  • and Facebook users all-time favourite, flooding other people’s news feed with stuff nobody cares about.

Introducing the “Are you a boy or a girl” Facebook quiz!

This quiz requires no input at all from the quiz taker.  It magically calculates the hormone levels of the user and checks through the user’s Facebook profile to search for information that can be sold to other companies for a profit.

The results are 100% accurate, half of the time!  No other Facebook quiz can provide this level of accuracy consistently!

First listen to what some beta testers have to say.

I am amazed with the accuracy that has been shown by the quiz!  Although it got my gender right the 2nd time, what are the odds? Right?


This quiz not only correctly gave me my gender, it even provided me with product ads which I find extremely relevant to my supposed sexuality!


I’ve always thought that I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and after getting the results of the quiz, I am reassured once again that I am a girl.  I can totally use the results printout feature to prove that I am a girl to everyone.  Although the tampons they recommended to me hurt when I used them.

-Betty (formerly Bob)

So act now!  And join in the fun of getting to know your gender and feeling proud publishing it to every single friend you know but doesn’t care.  A perfect last straw that will make your friends “hide” you from their Facebook News Feed page.

Give your comments and share your experience!

Coming soon:  ”Are you currently online?” quiz with 99.9% accuracy.

*Most Famous Non-existent Quiz Which Nobody Knew About Award 2008.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 21 May 2009 @ 03:57 PM

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Categories: Jokes

 07 May 2009 @ 3:45 PM 

First and foremost, for context please read Malaysiakini report.

Remember the day, the 7th of May,
BN’s unjust takeover plot,
I know of no reason,
Why this blatant treason,
Should ever be forgot.

- Kelvin Lew, 7th May 2009.  Modified from Guy Fawkes Night.

Put down everything you are doing, and go to the nearest post office to register as a voter.  Stop the excuses!

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 08 May 2009 @ 03:54 PM

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Categories: Politics

 17 Mar 2009 @ 8:28 PM 

As of now, there is so much wrong that is happening in Malaysia that I am just tired to talk about.

On a more personal note, I’ve been on and off busy with work and during the evenings and weekends absorbing information on anything I can learn.  From investments to history to sociology.

There were more job cuts announced in the company and might or might not affect me, directly or indirectly.  Lots of uncertainty in the future, which has never bothered me, because the future is meant to be uncertain, lest it becomes boring.

I’m putting as much effort and money as I can afford into different endeavours, such as building up a solid and diverse investment portfolio, planning on a business I hope to run in the near future and overall taking things in as it comes.

I would like to spend more time not working but the reality is it’s not possible.

In other news, what’s up with people who put fancy symbols and weird messages as their MSN nick?  It’s not even creative and it’s really a pain to discern your identity.  Anyway, I’ve just deleted a handful of those from my list.  And seriously, I think Facebook is getting out of hand.  What’s up with all those invitations and crap to those shitty applications?  Did you guys actually read the disclaimer before using the application?  It’s a serious privacy risk.  You are potentially giving away the keys to your house just to be able to “superslap someone with a fish”.

Keep this in mind: Don’t put on the web, what you wouldn’t put on a billboard in a shopping mall.  Now that’s a public service announcement from Kelvin-Lew.com.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2009 @ 08:28 PM

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Categories: Life, Miscellaneous Stuff

 17 Feb 2009 @ 7:53 PM 

I found out recently about Ubiquity and have fell in love with it ever since.  It’s an extension for Mozilla’s Firefox browser and it adds tonnes of functionality to it.  First take a quick look at the video below.

Ubiquity for Firefox from Aza Raskin on Vimeo.

It thoroughly changes the way we use the web browser and I believe will appeal to not only geeks but to everyone else.  At first glance, it might be weird to work with command prompts when most of us grew up with point-and-click (not me).  But the beauty of Ubiquity is that it understands everyday commands such as “email” or “translate”.  (There is still a lot to be done but even at version 0.1.5, it’s already very powerful).

If you want to try it out, (which I highly recommend) go now to Mozilla Lab’s Introducing Ubiquity.  If you can’t find the big download button, click here to install latest version (until the link dies).

And to show how easy it is to write your own commands, I’ve written one especially for my lovely girlfriend who is stuck in Geneva.  Narning you can click here.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 17 Feb 2009 @ 07:56 PM

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Categories: Miscellaneous Stuff

 11 Feb 2009 @ 5:48 PM 

After the ruckus that is last week where defections in the Perak government topped the headlines of Malaysian news stories, I would like to introduce a new segment called, “Seriously!?”

Seriously!? Najib, you said there were no money involved when they defected?  What do you think  made them defect to you side?  Your charm?  Your combover?  Seriously!? 2 of them are charged with corruption, 1 of them can’t make up his mind and the another wanted a Camry.  Seriously!?  A Camry?  You’d sell your dignity for a Toyota?  If it’s not the millions promised, or the charges dropped, would one commit political suicide with that move?  Seriously!?

And the 2 of you who failed to turn up in court yesterday.  Seriously!?  Medical leave?  Both on the same day when charges are supposed to be heard?  You didn’t look that sick in this picture.

Malaysiakini pix

Malaysiakini pix

Let’s see another one.

Malaysiakini pix

Malaysiakini pix

Here’s another one

Malaysiakini pix

Malaysiakini pix

Did you guys notice something?  Look through them again.

Hee, why so serious?  Camry not enough?  Go try asking for a Merc.  Or better, how about a submarine or two?  But beware of plastic explosives though.  Seriously!?

And finally, Najib, you said you are sensitive to all races by wanting to show up at a Chinese New Year party in Ipoh?  Have you heard yourself talk?  Seriously!?  It’s like Michael Jackson saying he’ll show up at an 8-year-old’s birthday party.  Seriously!?

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 11 Feb 2009 @ 05:48 PM

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Categories: Jokes, Politics

 10 Feb 2009 @ 6:06 PM 

While I’m still thinking of writing something on the lines of the next News Roundup, here’s something to laugh about.

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn’t Fucking Work

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 10 Feb 2009 @ 06:06 PM

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Categories: Jokes

 03 Feb 2009 @ 7:19 PM 

Sigh, have to go buy new hard disk tomorrow.  Then have to do the windows installation tango.  At least I can have an upgrade and start carte blanche again.

Remember, when your comp suddenly takes 10 minutes to just show context menu, backup all you can before rebooting the system.

I think it really fried the boot partition of the HDD.  I might be getting a SATA enclosure and see if I can rescue some data off the drive.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 03 Feb 2009 @ 07:19 PM

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Categories: Miscellaneous Stuff

 02 Feb 2009 @ 8:27 PM 

All systems go for peanut butter testing

Malaysiakini reports that Malaysia is testing all American peanut butter products before allowing them into the country following a salmonella scare recently.  The Health Minister said officials have raised the alert to level five at all ports and are focusing only on peanut butter.  The level five alert means all resources will be dedicated to ensuring peanut butter from the United States are tested before entering the country.

Drug smugglers rejoice while peanut butter addicts have to contend with finger-sized holes in their peanut butter.

Book on ministers’ contributions

Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi recently launched a book titled Malaysian Ministers 1955-2008 by Koperasi Belia Nasional Berhad.  This book depicts in detail the contributions of a total of 117 politicians who served as Cabinet ministers from 1955 to January last year, and many have played an integral role in formulating the country’s policies, realising ideas and dreams, as well as in nation building.

He hopes that the book would serve as guidance to future leaders on how best to serve the people by emulating the contribution and sacrifices made by their predecessors.

This would be a seemingly uphill task, considering the book is also in the running for, “World’s thinnest book ever” title.

The book's spine

The book's spine

Survey: Malaysian employees feel secure of jobs

A recent survey by an unnamed consultant claimed that Malaysian employees feel more secure about their prospects compared to their counterparts in other Asian countries.  The survey was revealed after a wave of jobcuts announced recently which affected more than 80,000 people in the United States alone.

This just in, the consultant was Semuany OK Co. Ltd and the survey was done by the Foundation of Independent Research on Employees’ Desires, or F.I.R.E.D.

Thieves strike Daim’s house, stole shoes

Thieves evaded security guards and guard dogs on Sunday to break into the home of the former Finance Minister’s house and stole 3 pairs of shoes.  The police are apparently taking the case seriously and are in the process of determining the kind of shoes that were stolen.

Rumours are rife that this was yet another crime committed by the group calling themselves, “The Low Self Esteem Bandits”.

Perak defection fiasco

I bet most of you know about the recent drama on defections affecting the Perak state government.  For the minority of you who didn’t know, here’s the gist of it.  “Don’t fucking give a damn!”  Pardon my French.  There are so much more to worry about now then petty squabbles between parties.  Hoi, state assemblymen/women, do your fucking job that you were given.

This is not the time to consider switching allegiances and financing your next mansion.  To that Bota man who switched to PKR, please, return to BN or resign.  It is unfair for the BN voters (however wrong they were).  The people have given you the mandate to work for them under the ideology of BN and you have no right to go to another party without first relinquishing your mandate.

To those 2 who are thinking of going to BN and feigning sickness or whatever, if you were set up into resigning your posts as claimed, just come out and put an end to all this.  If you intend to resign, just go ahead and be done with it.  I’m glad for another round of by-election goodies.  We could do with an economic stimulus package by-election style.

Finally, to all the politicians, if you don’t stop all this nonsense, we won’t just be comparing ourselves to Zimbabwe anymore, we will become Zimbabwe (everyone can then be billionaires).

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 02 Feb 2009 @ 08:27 PM

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Categories: Jokes, Politics

 24 Jan 2009 @ 9:33 PM 

It has been a slow week for news after the Kuala Terengganu by-election and also my lack of time, but here it is, the 6th edition of News Roundup.

Second stimulus package for Malaysia

Malaysiakini reports that the government was in discussion with various parties to get their views and input to be incorporated into a second economic stimulus package.  This is to prevent the country from undergoing another recession due to the global financial crisis.  This money will be used to aid failing companies and retrenched workers.

Therefore, in other words, that job you’re holding onto?  You’re paying for it.

Women fall into sex trap several times

A 33-year-old man lied and blackmailed his way into having college women pose nude for him and subsequently have sex with him.  The man is believed to be impersonating as a photographer for a US-based modelling agency, promising international fame to the victims.  He then used the nude photographs to blackmail the women involved into having sex with him in exchange for not publishing the explicit photographs.

It is learnt that at least two women were victims of his ruse several times before finally giving in and reporting to the police.

This goes to show that in Malaysia, it is better to have forced sex with a stranger than to die in police custody.

Salmonella scare at cookie franchise

The Health Ministry said it is investigating the cookie chain Famous Amos after it withdrew their cookie dough from several outlets amid fears that it may be contaminated by the salmonella bacterium.

The cookie company, mostly known for its Free Smells signs at its outlets, will now allow customers to have Free Smells from their cookies at home as well, in their toilets.

PM: We want detainees back

Malaysiakini reports that Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi wants to bring home two Malaysians held at the Guantanamo Bay detention facility which US President Barack Obama has ordered shut within a year.  Both the detainees were suspected of being involved in the deadly bombing of the J.W. Marriott hotel in Jakarta in 2003.

This is again in line with the government’s stance that Malaysia prefers to welcome back suspected terrorists but continue to drive “non-Bumis” out of the country they were born in.

Obama’s portrait is digital

US President Barack Obama’s presidential portrait was taken last week and it marks the first ever presidential portrait to be taken with a digital camera.  The portrait in full resolution can be seen here.

A government official was relieved that Obama was elected president because they were afraid McCain might have insisted his portrait to be taken with this.

800px-studijskifotoaparatThat was another installment of News Roundup.  Stop picking your nose.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 24 Jan 2009 @ 09:33 PM

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Categories: Jokes, Politics

 18 Jan 2009 @ 10:15 PM 

It’s time for the 5th Edition of News Roundup, where I report the happenings in Malaysia and around the world while having my tongue firmly in cheek.

Wan Farid: It’s not my money

Malaysiakini reports that the Kuala Terengganu BN candidate Wan Ahmad Farid Wan Salleh denied he had anything to do with the money given away to journalists at the Kuala Terengganu parliamentary by-election media centre recently.  Journalists were puzzled after being given an envelope filled with RM300 at the state information department’s media centre after providing their contact information.

Information minister’s press secretary Hisham Abdul Hamid said the ministry had never directed any of its officers to do such a thing.

“This has never been the practice of the ministry,” he told Bernama.

He later added, “We wouldn’t give money to you without first telling you who to vote for.”

Anwar: Another round of defections (hint hint)

In another Malaysiakini report, PKR de facto leader Anwar Ibrahim again raised the possibility of Barisan Nasional MPs defecting to the Pakatan Rakyat coalition.  After the much publicised takeover plan of Sept 16, 2008 failed to materialize, he was again unwilling to comment after being pressed for details.

This just in, there is now a fixed date.  It’s Feb 30, 200-imaginary.

Pak Lah: “Buy-lah Malaysian”

The Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said yesterday the people should cast aside any prejudice against Malaysian-made products, reports NST.  He added that the local producers require the support of consumers as well and urged the people to give local products a go.

He was later found to be a fervent supporter of the recently announced Malaysian soft-drink, Coca-CoLah Kosong.

Also known as Coke kurang manis

Also known as Coke kurang manis

Looking for ways to make EPF savings last a lifetime

The Human Resources Ministry is looking for ways to ensure that employees from the private sector will have their Employees Provident Fund (EPF) savings last a lifetime.  This was due to reports of EPF contributors using up all their savings within 2 years after retirement and were left without a source of income.

In an unrelated development, the ministry will be tabling a new law to sentence anyone found to be above the age of 60, to death.

By-election side note

So another typical by-election in Malaysia has come and gone.  Pretty good showing from both sides with typical controversies, mud-slinging and smear campaigns.  It was a great by-election for the Kuala Terengganu people, not so great for half of them, but still great all-around.  Personally, it was quite fun trying out writing political satire and the best material always comes from elections.  So keep ‘em dying, and I’ll keep on writing.

Remember that politicians are like dirty diapers, you have to keep changing them.  See you in the next edition of News Roundup.

Posted By: Kelvin
Last Edit: 18 Jan 2009 @ 10:15 PM

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